O Recomeço

Ano Novo, aniversário, novo emprego, nascimento de bebê, tudo isso simboliza um começo de um novo tempo, ou um recomeço.

Ultimamente tenho sentido que tenho dado um recomeço em muitas áreas da minha vida. Antes de me tornar mae, eu ligava o botão de recomeço somente no Ano Novo ou quando completava algum projeto.  Antes de me tornar mãe eu sentia que podia “controlar” certas áreas da minha vida e atender às expectativas que eu colocava na minha cabeça.

Porem, todo esse controle e expectativas mudou desde o primeiro momento que descobri que estava grávida do Noah! Sem duvida nenhuma o nascimento do meu primeiro filho foi um recomeço de uma nova história. Eu desejei, sonhei, planejei e esperei tudo novo pra ele e pra minha família que estava crescendo. Eu prometi não cometer os mesmo erros dos meus pais, e prometi dar continuidade aos acertos dos meus pais. Prometi a ser mais saudável para passar mais saúde ao meu filho. Prometi tantas coisas que se desse, eu poderia escrever só um livro de promessas. Mas o ponto é, será que o recomeço só vem quando chega algo novo? Não…

Veja bem, se tem uma coisa que eu tenho aprendido desde que me tornei mae, é que todo dia é um recomeço! Babies mudam de um dia para o outro, de um mês para o outro e ainda mais de um ano para o outro! A mãe tem que se reinventar TODOS os dias para se adequar ao novos hábitos e desenvolvimento do filho! Não seria isso um recomeço diário? 

Foi aí então que percebi que é preciso apertar o botão do “restart” (recomeco) em várias áreas da minha vida em que achei que estavam funcionando, mas no entanto precisavam de novos começos. Profissão, alimentação, amizades, hábitos, ideologias, estilo de vida, estilo de moda (praticamente não existente depois que me tornei mae!!! ) e uma série de outras coisas, inclusive o meu casamento! 

Ser mãe é lindo, mas a demanda é tão grande, especialmente se você tem mais de 1 filho, que você acaba esquecendo de dar lugar a coisas novas não relacionadas aos filhos. Sim, você esquece de você, do marido, da profissão e do corpo. Pelo menos eu esqueci. Acredito que não aconteça com todas as mulheres, mas é importante saber que esse “esquecimento” é tão natural que quando chega você nem se dá conta! 

Fazem alguns meses que apertei o botão do recomeço em minha vida, parei de me culpar pelos erros do passado, dei lugar aos novos pensamentos do futuro e tenho melhor vivido o meu presente! Finalmente entendi que igual a maternidade, a vida também precisa de ser reinventada de acordo com as demandas do presente. Engraçado que me veio um funk na memória agora: “Aceita que dói menos!” 😂😂😂 mas não é verdade? 

Enfim, quero te dizer que recomeço faz bem e é importante que aconteça pra que você dê lugar a coisas novas. Não espere que chegue algo novo para que você dê lugar ao recomeço. Quem sabe hoje poderá ser o dia que você dará lugar ao seu grande amor se você simplesmente recomeçar? 

❤️,

Camila 

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Me Before You (Motherhood version)

Hi everyone! It has been a while since we’ve seen each other, but hopefully I’ll try to catch up with you! I’ve been meaning to write this post since June, but today is the day!!! Lately I have been reflecting on how I have changed since becoming a mom. I’m not the type of a person who is always in tune with self, instead I often miss the cues my soul and body is telling me. I’m that kind of a friend who can easily diagnose who/how you are and the how to face your problems, but when it comes to myself… I’m not the same at all!

Since moving to California, my family’s life has been full of exciting events to not say the least! I can see how much we have grown as a family, as individuals, and in height ( I mean, Noah and Olivia are 3 and almost 2!!!). Therefore, I believe that I have been having more time and experiences that helped getting more in tune with myself.

Becoming a mother changed me in so many ways that I don’t think can put everything into words, but I’ll try by writing a little “poem” about it.

Me Before You ( Motherhood version)

Me before you felt independent, now I’m totally dependent of God’s mercy to be your mom.

Me before you was judgemental of everything and everyone, now I am tolerant about everything and everyone.

Me before you thought was strong, now I know I’m strong just like that day I saw a mouse and I didn’t scream.

Me before you was naive, now I know what I want and don’t want.

Me before you had hair and nails done every other week, now you have hair done everyday.

Me before you couldn’t cook, now I still can’t cook, but I try because of you.

Me before you was on top of all the news and tv shows, now all I know is Patati Patata and Nursery Rhymes.

Me before you didn’t know who I am or what to do, but now you teach me everyday of who I am and how strong I can be for you!

I love you Noah and Olivia. I’m the happiest person because you came to my arms and God gave the privilege to raise as my children!

Love,

Mamãe

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The Break Up

 Ok, I have to open up with somebody about this break up. No, it has nothing to do with my marriage, although my husband drives me crazy sometimes!! This break up is about the “wonderful world of making friends who are moms”. Does it make sense to you? Unless you are a mom, I’m not sure if you will understand what I mean; either way I’ll be glad to tell you the good, the bad and the ugly about this “world”. 

When we moved to Silicon Valley, 5 months ago , we met a really nice couple (Jon and Elaine – fake names of corse) whose daughter was 1 month older than Olivia, I will be calling their daughter Sam. We all enjoyed each other’s company and so did our kids. From this couple we met a few others and within 2 months we all became close enough to start our WhatsApp group of 4 moms. Do you know how difficult it is to meet a mom that has anything in common with you? Do you how difficult it is to get each other’s number? Do you know how difficult it is to have play dates with for your children when you are a stay home mom? I’ll tell you: It is ridiculously ridiculous annoying ridiculous!!!!!! That many times ridiculous!!! 

Anyway,  Elaine and I had a cool friendship going on, our husbands work in the same field, Olivia is completely in love with Sam, Noah enjoys hanging out with the other kids in the group, we all had trips to Ikea, enjoyed lady’s night out, going out to play dates with our kiddos, etc. Olivia though, would talk about Sam day and night, she would get super excited to meet Sam, and would cry when Sam had to go home. 

Now, here comes the nasty part. Twice, I was left out from their plans, even though we have a chat group. Once, I did not let Olivia go to the pool with Elaine because I don’t feel comfortable with letting my children go to the pool or car rides with anybody but me or my husband. That day, I noticed she and the other mom treated me differently. Ladies, we know when there is bad vibe in the air, right? Then, a few days later, the kids and I went to one the mom’s house to watch NBA finals… Boy oh Boy!!! Why did I even give myself a chance to be there!!! ‘Taking a deep breath’… Ok, the moment came when all the women and only my kids were at the room “watching the game” when one of the moms turn to the others, but me, and starts by saying this: “Elaine and X, about that trip we are planning to Disney, I was thinking it would only work out for me in September…” Ladies, they continue to discuss about their trip, and dates, and desires as if I was not there, and as if we were in middle school!!!!! 

Now, I’m not a storyteller, and I’m not so good with detailing my emotions in writing, but I can tell you that for me all the friendship and respect I had for those women ended there! I did not need to think twice about it! That was it! The rest of the evening went downhill after that and I was the first to leave. 

Once I came home I sent a text to the group chat and left the group. The next day, Olivia asked about Sam…  She looked out the window and said: Where is Sam?… And that is when it hit me: I broke up with her mom!! What a terrible mom I am! How could I break up with my daughter’s first and best friend? How could I be so selfish? 

Seriously, this is the hardest break up I went through in my life! As a mom you choose/want the best for your children, and the thought of them suffering because of the choices you make, hurts more than anything in the world. After I turned 30, I became so sure of who I am that I don’t have time to take “bullc…” from others! Therefore, when those women made me feel unwelcome I didn’t have to think twice about cutting my relationship with them. However, I forgot that I have two little human beings that are completely dependent on the choices I make… 

As for Noah and Olivia, all they know is that we haven’t seen Sam lately… What I do know is that the love Noah and Olivia have for each other goes beyond any “breakup”! Their sibling love daily shows me that they are each other’s first and best friends! It’s really a privilege to witness their friendship, growth and care to each other! 

What about you? Did you ever go through a similar experience? I really want to know your thoughts about this topic! 😉 

Love, 

Camila 

Time

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Oh Time! Time! Time and I have always had a “love x hate” relationship. Really!

Lately, Time has been on my side, specially considering that Noah and Olivia are still young, and we still have not gotten my ” dream team yet” (housekeeper, chef, driver, nanny)!!! Do you see why I call it dream team?!

Since my last post, a lot has changed! Kids went from being home with me all day, to going to daycare part-time, and now full-time. All in a matter of 1 month, literally. So, you should be asking, why are the kids in daycare full time if she is a Stay Home Mom? Well… long story short: I REALLY NEEDED TO BE HOME ALONE AND CONCENTRATE ON ME, MYSELF AND I! I’ll tell you more about this on my future posts….

Going back to Time… Time has arrived that things are going better than expected. Kids have adapted to daycare. Hubby’s job has been better than before. Mommy has had some “me” time. Summer is here. Aaand a possibility to go back to the workforce is knocking at my door! Whaaaat? 🙂

Noah & Olivia have been teaching me so much lately that I would need at least 2 chapters of a book to write about all their teachings. To remind you, Noah is 2.5 & Olivia is 1.5 years old. Noah has been going to daycare for about 2 months now. and everyday he comes up with something new. Olivia, has become more independent than ever. She now chooses specific tasks to each parent, for example: Olivia comes to mommy if she is sleepy, but she goes to daddy if she wants to play. Before it used to be all mommy.

In other words, this Time has been a little bitter-sweet for me because although I’m living the dream of experiencing the growth of my children, and finally having time for myself; I also feel that I don’t want to let go from all the stress and emotions that exist on being with my children 24/7. Do you know what I mean?

Wanting or not, the Time has come for me to learn to live this new momentum of my life! I honestly can’t wait for it! Are you with me?!

Camila

I see the light at the end of the tunnel!

imageSorry! I know it has been a month since my last post, but I do have excuses!!! Two small children and no help is always an excuse to not accomplish your stuff right?!! 🙂

Anyways, after nearly two months living in a totally unknown-area- before, I now can say I see a light at the end of the tunnel! Why? Simple because little by little with God’s help things seem to be getting on their place. You see, we’ve found a church, we have few options for nanny, I’ll start college next semester, children will be going to pre-school next semester as well, I enrolled into a crossfit class, and other small family victories that make a difference.

You know, it feels good to be at a place where things are settling and you feel accomplished, plus in this process you get to learn more about yourself and discover the strength you had within.

I don’t know which place you are in your life, but if you feel like you are stuck are a place and it seems you’ll be there forever, hey, by experience, I’ll tell you that your light in the end of the tunnel is arriving sooner than you think!

Love,

Camila

New Year’s Resolution in full strength!

 

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Yeah! Welcome 2016! Yeah yeah! Is it only me, or anybody else also desperately wished for 2016 to come ASAP?!

Well, 2016 is here and so are my resolution goals for the year. Interesting enough, this year I really want to keep a close eye on my resolutions. I feel so confident at this stage in my life that it scares me a little! I blame it all on Noah and Olivia!!! These kids changed my life in a way that truly makes me want to be better just for them!

Now that 2 years have passed since Noah was born and 15 months since Olivia’s; I feel that my hormones are back to normal, sort of, and I can think clearly about things. I’ve got to say that for 2 years I thought I would be stuck on that post-partum phase and never leave it!

But hey, I’m here! I survived it!!! One of my resolutions is to focus on myself so I can improve my career and my motherhood. I know it won’t be easy to keep up with this resolution, specially because my family just moved to California and we don’t know anybody there, or ever lived there! However, I’m hoping that God’s plan to move us there must be awesome and we will be fine! 😉

Now onto the resolution and ready to live it! 🙂

Do you have a New Year’s resolution?  I would love to hear it from you! 🙂

Camila

 

 

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!!!

Yeahhh!!! Finally the best time of the year, for me, has arrived! I love December holidays! I love the feeling of closing and starting a new page in your life as a new year begins!

For my luck, Noah and Olivia have been able to experience the holidays in Brazil, my home country, for the first time in their lives! I never planned on it, but I’m so glad it happened! Like in every culture people celebrate holidays differently, and in Brazil Christmas and New Years’ bring feelings on forgiveness, joy, harmony and love with them.

Besides the fact that is 100F here, lpeople always try to bring a better version of themselves during this time of the year.

Noah and Olivia don’t really understand what Christmas is, they don’t even know who Santa Claus is ( I don’t care much about Santa Claus and to be very honest, I find him creepy), but they do know all the colorful lights that come with Christmas! They now learned to say: Natal (Christmas) and everywhere they see lights and Christmas tree, they shout: Natal mamãe!!!

Anyways… All I want to say is that for an international family like ours, I feel really blessed that Noah and Olivia get to experience holidays outside of the USA and create memories for the rest is their lives!!

Now my wish for 2016 is that we may live our lives free from things that stress us; bring to our memories things that make us happy and enjoy in abundance that life that God gave us!! Bring it on 2016!!! We will be waiting for “you” happy and dancing a good song!!!

Cheers to a new year!image

it’s all new

It seems that lately everything is new around me. Noah and Olivia are growing in the speed of light and everyday, literally, they do/say something new. I feel that if I blink I’ll miss a milestone.

Things are also new in our family lives. We are moving from east coast to the west coast. This change alone is pretty big for us. I can nunber a few things that are new to our family:

1- first time Noah and Olivia traveled by plane without papai.

2- first time we are staying for more than a moth away from home as a family of 4.

3- first time Noah and Olivia go to bed without papai for more than 3 days (it was actually for 2 weeks. Thank God for grandparents’)

4- first time in 6 years I, mamãe, get to celebrate my birthday in my home country.

I have to say that in my mind I thought there were more firsts… But I guess it is my anxiety mind overthinking about everything!! 🙂

Well, all I can say is that I’m pretty excited about all these new events in our lives. I’m really hoping that Noah and Olivia Grace will experience, since early age, the beauty of being adventurous, meeting new people, and to be open for changes.

One thing I can say for sure, is that so far, they seem to be enjoying grandparents’ house a lot!!!

Love,

Camila Fernanda image.jpeg

The Beginning of all!

image.jpegMy first post is dedicated to those that it started it all. To those that changed my life upside down and made me, I believe, a better person. To those that forever will be the reason I exist. This first post is dedicated to Noah & Olivia! They are my 2 year old boy and my 1 year old girl. Thank you for gifting me with your presence. I only hope I can make the best of it as long as I live.

Love, mamãe